Why Real Estate Deals Fall Apart (And It’s Not the Reason You Think)

The Deal Doesn't Die at the Negotiation Table — It Dies on the Car Ride Home

Steve was a young first-time buyer, proud of himself and excited.

He had house under contract and walked into the home inspection smiling like someone who finally saw a future coming together.

Then his dad walked through the front door.

He didn't say hello. He didn't ask a question. He just looked around, shook his head, and said:

"What did you do?"

And that was it.

You could literally see the confidence drain out of my client.

Shoulders dropped.

Smile gone.

He didn't own that moment anymore. He didn't own the house either — not mentally. His father did. And the thing is… his father wasn't paying for the home. He wasn't gifting down payment money. He wasn't signing anything.

But he still had complete veto power.

The inspector completed the inspection, documented issues and walked through the findings. But none of it mattered.

That sentence — What did you do? — killed the deal long before the inspection report reached Steve’s inbox.

The contract was terminated. We went back into the market. More time. More stress.

But that first moment changed the way I look at decision makers forever.

It taught me something most buyers and sellers don't realize until it costs them real money and real opportunity:

The people signing the paperwork are not always the people deciding whether the deal lives or dies.

And if you don't account for the "informal decision makers" early — they will show up late, and chaos can follow.

The Invisible Problem That Shows Up After You're Already Committed

Misalignment isn't always the reason real estate deals fall apart. But when it shows up, it does real damage, and it shows up more often than most people would ever guess.

According to NAR, about 6-7% of contracts get terminated before closing. That's roughly 1 in every 15 deals. NAR doesn't break down the specific reasons, but they lump a lot of it under vague categories like "buyer's remorse" or "change in circumstances."

Which is industry-speak for: somebody wasn't really on board, and it took the pressure of a signed contract to expose it.

Most buyers and sellers think they're aligned.

Or they assume they'll "figure it out" when the time comes.

But when real money, real decisions, and real pressure appear—whatever wasn't settled beforehand becomes loud, emotional, and expensive very fast.

The People Who Can Kill Your Deal Without Signing a Single Paper

There are the people whose names are on the paperwork.

And then there are the people who:

• can quietly veto the decision

• hold emotional authority

• influence confidence

• validate or destroy certainty with a single reaction

Parents. Adult children. Friends with "experience." Siblings. Trusted coworkers.

Ignoring them doesn't make them go away. It just guarantees they'll show up late when it's hardest to unwind the damage.

If someone has the power to blow up a decision, they're a decision maker — whether they're legally part of it or not.

When One Spouse Decides With Spreadsheets and the Other Decides With Their Gut

Sometimes the conflict isn't external. It's inside the relationship.

Some people decide with numbers.

Some people decide with their stomach, their chest, their sense of "this feels right."

Neither is wrong. But when nobody acknowledges that difference, hesitation wins.

Beth and Alex were like that.

Beth led with instinct. She walked into a house and either felt it or she didn't. Alex needed numbers to make sense: taxes, risk, monthly cost, maintenance exposure.

There was one house Beth absolutely loved. You could see it on her face immediately. She relaxed. She smiled. She was mentally arranging furniture within minutes. It felt right.

Alex wasn't negative. He was just calculating.

And when Beth said, "I really love this one," Alex said, "I just need to think."

No fight. No drama. Just hesitation.

They left saying the most expensive words in real estate:

"Let's sleep on it."

By the time the numbers felt safe, the house was gone. That pattern repeated enough times that the market simply outran them. When we started, they were shopping in the low $300s. By the time they stopped 2 years later, those same houses were selling in the high $300s.

They didn't lose to other buyers.

They lost to time—and to two decision styles that never aligned when it mattered.

What Happens When Two People Pretend to Agree (And Hope Reality Fixes It For Them)

Sometimes misalignment does more than just stall a decision.

I listed a home in Hamden in Paradise Preserve. The husband initially reached out and presented the marketing plan to both spouses. They nodded. They signed. Everything appeared aligned.

We listed with great marketing. Showings came quickly.

Within days, we had two offers—both above asking.

And then the sellers went silent.

No responses. No decisions.

After a day and a half, the husband finally called and said:

"Please send cancellation paperwork. We're taking it off the market."

Only later did the truth come out.

They were never truly on the same page. The wife didn't want to sell. The husband did. Instead of working that out before going to market, they each silently hoped reality would bend their way.

She assumed nobody would really want the house. He assumed a pile of money would change her mind.

When strong offers showed up, they weren't empowered. They were exposed. And rather than decide, they retreated.

They stayed in a house that was too big. Taxes jumped almost 30% not long after going from $15k per year to almost $19k per year. They eventually sold a couple of years later for about the same price —but those years cost them in taxes, utilities, maintenance, and stress.

They didn't lose because of the market. They lost because the people who mattered weren't aligned.

What Pressure Actually Does (And It's Not What You Think)

The market does not wait while you figure yourselves out emotionally.

Pressure doesn't create alignment.

Pressure exposes misalignment.

If alignment isn't built before decisions need to be made, it gets built in panic, fear, and stress. That’s when deals die because the people aren't ready.

What Changes When Everyone's Actually on the Same Page Before the Pressure Hits

When decision makers are acknowledged early… When informal decision makers are included instead of ignored… When everyone understands how decisions will be made…

Everything changes:

• Faster decisions when it matters — no "let's sleep on it" after you find the right house

• Less drama — because the conflicts got surfaced early, not at the inspection

• Stronger negotiating position — you can act with confidence instead of hesitation

• Fewer regrets — you're not second-guessing whether everyone was really onboard

• More accepted offers and fewer "we froze and missed it" moments — because when you need to move, you can actually move

Remember that first buyer with the dad who said, "What did you do?"

Later, we did find him a better house.

The difference? I treated his dad like a decision maker instead of a background character. He was at the key showings. He was part of the conversations. We built alignment before the next offer.

And guess what?

They found a better house. Everyone was aligned. And the deal closed.

Not by luck. By alignment.

The Part Nobody Wants to Say Out Loud

More deals fail for people reasons than property reasons.

They fail because:

• parents weren't truly onboard

• partners weren't emotionally aligned

• decision styles were never reconciled

• expectations never matched reality

Most agents never talk about this because it's uncomfortable.

But it's real. And if you don't deal with it early, it will deal with you later.

Alignment isn't a soft concept.

It's what gets you to the finish line.

If you want the unfiltered truth about what it actually takes to buy or sell a house in Connecticut—the stuff most agents won't tell you because it's uncomfortable—that's what I write about on the Dream to Doorstep blog. Real stories. Real numbers.